In Memory Of

When this season rolls around, I think of all of the things I've culled since the last. As if I'm being reminded of the losses I've since put to the back of my mind.

I think, and think, and think of all of the things...the ones that could have, should have, would have been.

I remember the laughter and the long nights chatting, sharing joy, outrage and pain alike. I will look fondly on those moments for as long as I remember them. But my dear, soft heart remembers more than the bright, warmth of connection. It reminds itself of the anger, the pain, the heartbreak required to maintain the attachment.

Above all, it refuses to forget the disappointment.

It is only when winter comes that it wanders and brings back the shared time and space; time and space that it thought would last forever.

Maybe there will be a winter that I don't think of you.

Or maybe you'll just be yet another in the long list of failures on my part; another replacing you just as easily, just as you replaced someone else.

When spring thaws, I'll forget again, your name and every other association. I'll look forward to the good times and shy away from the bad. I'll let myself be surprised by the betrayal once more.

This failure writing its name over yours.

So, here, I toast. Not to you, dear old friends I have left behind, but to the fruits of what once was.

Blessings,

From the Lemon Trees